Still lost, after all these years

I am a PhD graduate with awards for research and teaching, as well as reams of academic, professional, and what is generally called life experience all over the world. I had an excellent education, first at private secondary schools in Switzerland, Hong Kong and Britain, then an undergraduate degree in China and the UK, followed by a Master’s in Austria, and finally a doctorate in Hong Kong and Indonesia. Add to that running an NGO, starting my own company, and working for two blue chip firms. A pretty good base, one would think, for success. Not so. The whole of my adult life has been a struggle, professionally speaking. Getting and keeping a job has been a constant recurring problem. I’ve been made redundant when departments were shut down, hired on one year renewable contracts that predictably expired. I’ve tried all sorts of creative approaches, from starting my own company (I can’t exactly terminate my own employment contract from that, can I?) to reinventing myself through very expensive and intellectually (not to mention physically and emotionally) demanding further education. And here I am, at 41, no pension (cashed that in when I left Hong Kong, to partially fund, but barely make a dent in, my Master’s, for which I am now deeply and probably terminally indebted to my husband and my father), no job, no savings. I am financially entirely dependent on my husband, whose own savings are now dwindling, along with his confidence in a secure, comfortable after-work life.

Wait, so what am I saying? It seems like the more qualified, skilled and, frankly, brilliant I get (don't judge me - this trumpet I'm blowing is an ironic one), the narrower my options become.  That's not what the  'work hard, be visionary and you can achieve anything' ​dream sold me.....

Are my options narrowing?